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First few days on Elvanse and wow! This stuff is honestly astonishing.

If you’re seeing this on Bluesky it’s auto cross posted from fedi. Breaks might be in odd places.

It’s essentially created two versions of me. There is medicated me who is a competent adult and can Just Do Stuff and unmedicated me who is mot, and cannot (but who is fun and lovely and is the version writing this).

On the way up the transition between the two is smooth and continuous.

On the way down it is not. I can feel it starting to fade over above half and hour then it reaches some critical level and o spend 10-15 minutes just crashing.

And then I’m the person writing this again, but a bit dazed and bewildered.

I’m hoping this will get smoother. At the moment it leads to almost a discontinuity in personality, but only on the way down, where afterwards I simply cannot conceive of being the person I just was.

I think I need to get into the habit, before it wears off, of leaving myself something nice for just after the crash.

@goatsarah I am glad Elvanse seems to be helping! The nicest thing about meds is knowing that you were never to blame for previous difficulties concentrating (I used to blame myself for that all the time).

@llwynog Same. I now know to just not do stuff in the base state and leave it for when they next kick in. It’s absurd how much easier it is to just do stuff.

@goatsarah I am in my mid-30s and I've done OK academically and career-wise - mostly because I have compensated for difficulties concentrating by being bright. On meds, I am far more able to gain knowledge and, as you say, "do stuff". I grieve for all the skills I haven't been able to gain, and the time I have wasted, due to leaving this condition untreated until now. At least now I know I wasn't lazy previously (as everyone assumed); just handicapped by a medical condition.

@llwynog Yeah. Like, they were so bloody horrible to me for not doing the stuff that was literally viscerally painful because to them, they literally got a dopamine headset for doing it.

@goatsarah Do you mean things like attending loud concerts? What gets to me is *excessive* small talk (a little bit is OK) - especially in the workplace. It drains my energy because I'm required to concentrate on a non-productive conversation that doesn't even lead to friendship or other social benefits. I used to get criticised for disliking excessive small talk, but I've turned it into a strength by working hard and being efficient whilst everyone else is chatting.

Llwynog

@goatsarah Years ago, people would have described my aversion to small talk as "autistic". But this implies lacking the skills to make small talk. I avert it due to it requiring me to concentrate (on something that wastes time); it has nothing to do with an inability to schmooze, otherwise I would not have reached where I have in my nursing career. Understanding this, instead of lazily describing it as "autistic", has helped me gain a greater understanding of my life.