@atax1a @eri As a white person who has unpacked some of these feelings in myself, not just along demographic lines but other lines as well, like towards children, I can confirm. It's subconscious, so I felt honest in saying I wasn't racist, etc, that I believed in equality, but really I didn't know what equality *felt* like. It was just words I'd been taught to associate with "good," and I'm good, so the reasoning went that I'm those things magically without having to work on it.
Learning about validation really helped with that as I forced myself to actually listen to people whose views I didn't understand (starting with my children). The term "testimonial injustice" was later helpful in expanding that, to realize there were classes of people who I was more likely to believe or even listen to than others.
We're definitely programmed with these to become instincts understood below the verbal/rational level, that are impossible to recognize without unflinching hard work towards increasing self-awareness. It takes courage, but it is also personally freeing.
And it's a constant process. As they say, love is a verb.